oh god why

Loose Ends

The large man pushed his way through New York, retracing steps that he had walked over two decades ago. His hair was long and wild, kept out of his eyes with a headband, skin tanned by years of labor outside. He looked uncomfortable in his buttoned up shirt and slacks, hands constantly adjusting the collar, when they weren't lighting or holding a cigarette.

Nearly a pack in and it was barely noon. Ivan Briar, sometimes Kyle, sometimes Kazuo, wondered what he was doing with his life as he approached the street café, smoke billowing from his nose. A sign read ‘no smoking’ but he cared very little for it as he pushed through the line, to look at the woman who was watching the poor young man make an espresso shot.

She was just as beautiful as she had been years ago, when he had asked her to marry him as soon as they had found out she was pregnant. Before they had moved to Japan for his ‘work.’ Her crimson hair was up in a bun and she stared at him with an expression of rage over her glasses. Nina’s mouth opened and she just pointed to the patio.

Kaz walked with slightly less swagger than he was used to as he headed to the outdoor area and took a seat in a chair that was slightly too small for him. Nina closed the door behind her and sat down, her face belaying her absolute rage at Kaz despite her controlled motions.

"What the fuck are you doing here you worthless lying cheating abusive fuck?”

Ouch. Straight to the point it was then.

“Our son is getting married. I got him the money to do so, but he wants you there before he confirms for anything. You’re not responding to his phone calls, you’re not responding to anything he’s sending you, and he’s too busy with the business YOU left to him to come and do this.”

“Oh, so you thought it’d be fucking okay for YOU to come, AFTER this was announced? I’m not going there just to see you at a happy day. I’m afraid I’d shoot you again and you wouldn’t make it through this fucking time. Elephant bullets, maybe engraved with some magical chant to kill arrogant pricks.”

Kaz thought better of calling her on the bluff, or if the attempt would kill him. He had proven himself stubbornly resilient time and time again, even when he had scraped the bottom of the barrel and would’ve welcomed a release into the afterlife, wherever he was destined. But if someone could kill him, he had no doubt it’d be Nina.

“I did think it was okay. I’m fucking sorry, alright? I was a shitty husband, a lousy dad, and I don’t blame you for taking the pistol to me.” He unconsciously ran a hand down his shoulder and his stomach. “But Geo doesn’t deserve to pay for what I did to you. I do.”

“Then don’t come.” Nina grinned now, pulling out her own pack of cigarettes. “If you’re so fucking dead set on redemption and seeing that our son is happy, I’ll believe you if you don’t come. Don’t show your fucking grinning mug anywhere near there with your slut of the week and I’ll MAYBE forgive you. If you promise me that, I’ll RSVP to my son’s wedding. And, you can’t tell anyone why. Promise me all of this on your honor as a warrior, on the last bit of goodness your black heart may have left, and I’ll get my tickets. Even send you a confirmation.”

He felt his heart stop. All of the work he had put into the last few years of trying to reconnect with his son. The hate had cooled after a little while, and they were getting along. He’d even paid off his massive tab. Once they even hugged, after Geo had started to see how serious he was about trying to be a good person.

“A few good deeds can’t make up for a lifetime of wickedness then. I accept, Nina. I’ll keep my fucking hands out of the whole thing, alright?”

“Good. Now get out of here before I call the fucking cops.”

The ogre nodded as he climbed over the fence around the patio and landed back onto the sidewalk. His stomach was in knots and he felt like throwing up. His hands shook as he tried to light another cigarette, failing quite a few times. Just a sip, he told himself as he unscrewed his flask, taking a gigantic gulp, letting the whisky burn down his throat.

He wasn’t sure if he was happy with this decision. It was what was best for his son, he was sure. Nothing could make up what he had done, so he hoped it was in the right direction and that someone, somewhere, would listen to him if he needed to tell someone, promise to Nina be damned. 

By the time he had arrived at his shitty hotel, he had taken down all three of the flasks in his pockets and felt even more sorry for himself than he had in years.

“There goes the legendary warrior, Ivan, nothing more than a fucking drunk.” He said to no one in particular, besides maybe the brotherhood of the fire fist spirits that sometimes congregated around him. For the first time in a long time, he felt like crying.

Ivan Briar, or Kyle, or Kazuo, whatever the name he was going by that year, imagined a woman who he hadn’t knocked around, lied to, or just slept with and left gently rubbing his shoulders as he laid in a drunken stupor, staring at the awful painting on the wall. She told him that everything was going to be alright and that he was doing things the right way as he felt his eyes dampen, the hands on his back relaxing knotted muscles and relieving tension.

“I love you,” he slurred to the imaginary woman, his last coherent thought before he felt a hot wetness on his cheeks and the stress and alcohol begin to claim him as he faded into unconsciousness.